I am writing to you from beyond the nether regions of this world, in other words Canberra, and even though I am stuck here in this bubble of public service, there are some commonalities, some universal truths that have proceeded on from my residency in Sydney. I am talking of the flat/housemate. Now some of you may have had the good fortune of living with a very splendid flatmate, one who doesn’t bother you, who is tidy but not too clean, thoughtful and so on. I however continue to find myself in flatmate hell, both in Sydney and now Canberra.
There I was, sitting quietly at home last night, snuggled up on my plush sofa, reading a book and nursing a deliciously sweet, mug of hot chocolate topped with an assortment of pink and white marshmallows (wow I should be in advertising). These are the moments that I relish and I was not, as you can imagine, keen on chatting about silly nothings. Do you know what she said, this ultimate pain in the ass flatmate? “You seem really stand-offish” and proceeded to make a face and laugh. What the hell am I suppose to do with that kind of comment? Really it was designed to make me feel bad. It worked and before I knew it, I had said sorry, for being me. Damn her, can I not just exist, what am I her entertainment? It’s not my fault she doesn’t get along with anybody here and thus has no one else to talk to.
Hence you can understand my predicament. Some of you may still be living at home, bless you, and others may be veterans of the nightmare that is shared accommodation. But this is something everyone will experience at some point or other. We are social creatures and we like being around people, but enjoying our own company is a healthy thing to do. Some people are so frightened of this and will thus do their best to avoid it, terrified of themselves. These people are usually the extroverted type (I said usually, don’t get defensive) and just won’t shut up. Imagine what amazing theories and ideas you could come up with if you just shut up and spent five minutes a day in contemplation. The most famous of all artists and theorists of our time tended to be deep thinkers and were commonly depressive personalities. This is of course the extreme of cases, and should not be used as an excuse to be an ass. But they were onto something, in thought you can potentially tap into a fountain of creative ideas that exists within the subconscious, and I believe one can only do this in solitude.
But what to do about clingy flatmates? They are as bad as a clingy partner and nothing you can say will change this, the best thing I can recommend is the next time your flatmate says something stupid like mine did, take a few seconds to think, get up and move your ass to your bedroom for some solitude and deep thought on how best to murder your housemate and make it look like an accident.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
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