There are many different variants (or should I say mutations) in female formatting. This strange electronic analogue sits suitably against the hyper hum-drum of today. And within these formats I have noted a particularly mal-formed (or mis-informed) sub-species. As far as my extensive studies suggest- there is only one case of this particular syndrome in the world- and “it” resides in uncomfortably close proximity to my quarters.

For the purposes of this article she will be known as BRENDA, and to appropriate her disguised identity I will make things blazingly apparent through a rather nonsensical acrostic poem. This fits because she, like it, is true nonsense.

B- ovine eye hollows leap out with pus coated un-clemency
R- eactions coated in wall slobbering monkey foot movement
E- asy access late at night- wine bottles float out of piss pockets
N- eanderthal: monkey fluff flying, feral floating; ceaseless
D- eranged distribution of flesh- linen smocks not obscuring
A- ggressor of space intrusions and other apposite slovenly slips.

SO there she is, ever present- lurking- squealing- fat floating and flubber fluttering- not in the wordswor-dian-way. On yr bike dike. Eat a ripe potato raw. You have clotted my week.